“You are the God who sees me,” for she said, “I have now seen the One who sees me.” Genesis 16:13
It had been a full month since the death of my 8-year-old daughter. My husband was returning to work. At the time he worked out of town. I envied him, leaving the sadness, the emptiness, the constant loneliness.
Lonely probably makes you think of me sitting in a quiet house all day, but the truth of the matter was that I had four wonderful boys and my days were a blur of activity. Activity I couldn’t handle at the time because of the gaping hole in my heart.
People weren’t showing up as often anymore except to bring meals a few days a week and mostly I was relieved because I could no longer pretend to be brave. It takes a lot of energy to pretend you are ok.
You mamas know I’m right. When you have poured yourself out taking care of your family, putting both your physical and emotional needs on the backburner. Someone asks you how you are and you smile as if you’ve got it all under control knowing full well you don’t. It takes a lot of effort to hold the tears back, doesn’t it?
It was during my husband’s first trip that I was convinced God must hate me. My anger toward Him was preventing me from feeling His presence and I had never felt so alone.
I saw the minivan pull up and I took a deep breath. I couldn’t be ok today.
Out stepped a friend, not a close one, more of a sweet woman who I enjoyed chatting with from time to time. Her disposition is quiet and reserved compared to my usually loud and bright one.
She walked to the door and handed me a beautiful purple and white orchid. I smiled and hugged her. I intended for it to be quick, unrevealing, but instead I clung to her.
Somehow I knew God had sent her and those flowers to me at that moment, to remind me of his love for me, to soften my heart. God saw me. He heard my heart’s cry when the magnitude of pain prevented actual words. He caught me when my husband was not there to comfort me as he had done every night as I cried myself to sleep. He was proving to me that I wasn’t alone.
Have you ever felt so alone that you were sure no one, even God cared for you? I have a verse for you.
“You are the God who sees me,” for she said, “I have now seen the One who sees me.” (Genesis 16:13)
This verses if from the story of Hagar. Hagar was the servant of Sarah, Abraham’s wife. She was an Egyptian which Sarah acquired while staying in Egypt.
Although God has been promising Abraham a son for several years, Sarah grows impatient and takes matters into her own hands. She devises a plan to have Hagar become pregnant with Abraham’s child in her place. This would certainly fulfill God’s promise, right?
As is always the case when we take matters into our own hands and run ahead of God, Sarah makes a mess of things.
Hagar does become pregnant and from the moment she discovers she is with child, she despises Sarah. This becomes a problem to Sarah who then mistreats Hagar.
Hagar runs away from Sarah and Abraham. A pretty desperate move considering they were living in a desert and she was not only with child but had no husband.
God sends an angel to speak to her. He tells her that she must go back to her mistress and submit to her. He continues to tell her that she will bear a son and his name is to be Ishmael (meaning God hears) and his descendants will be too numerous to count.
Hagar found herself in a bad situation and God saw her. He not only saw her but he reached down and gave her hope, strength, and a reason to continue on.
Dear friend, if you find yourself in a bad situation today, I want you to know that God sees you. He saw a hurt and frightened (and perhaps attitudy) slave girl who found herself in a troubling situation.
Stand on God’s promises and He will reach down and give you the peace, healing, and strength you need just as He did with Hagar.
I pray that you see me. See the hurt that is buried deep within my heart. See how overwhelmed I feel walking this frustrating path. I pray that you see that I need you! And reach down as you did with Hagar and calm my restless spirit.
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Hi, I'm Heather from Lessons from Home – where I share my homeschooling and parenting journey along with the lessons God teaches me as I learn to follow Him wherever He leads.